That damned year of 2020

I think everyone will remember this year as a weird, sad and confusing one. The ones that didn’t live it will think it was nothing but a hoax and won’t probaby believe their history books when reading about 2020. Yes, these many bad things can happen in just one year.

I am only qualified to talk about my story and that’s what I’m about to do.

If I look back at the beginning of the year, I would have no idea what I was about to go through and that I would be in this present situation. What a ride.

I ate my disgusting 12 rasins at midnight hoping for health, stable jobs and happiness. Instead, I got this.

We are in an evolving pandemic so health is going down the slope for many kind, hard-working people, as for me, my mental health reached levels I didn’t think it could and my heart is pounding so fast all the time that I am always thinking of my premature death. I am just waiting for a meteor to hit us at this point.

My diet went from vegan in January, to veggie in March, to then mediterranean. I had been veggie since 2015 but when I went vegan, I was really weak and my body even said no to veggie later on. Also, can’t eat dairy due to a strange appearance of a lactose intolerance in between all this mess.

Anyways, job wise I had to quit in August the first lockdown as I decided it was best to go home to Portugal.

My living situation in England was not ideal anymore and I decided to leave it all temporarily and come back stronger and decided. Was excited to move to London or Bournemouth for my Masters but something about a global pandemic and me, a person who is always sick, in a big city full of germs, just didn’t add up.

Those four years in England will forever be cherished, the good and the bad, but it was time. That was it for the gloomy country and I. God, I miss my friends though. Turns out you really leave a mark after four years of living in a country, who knew?

Southampton wasn’t doing it for me anymore to be honest. Everything reminded me of university and how I would rather be studying than working on a non-creative job daily and that would crash my mental health.

Decided to put more love and care into MAYO (my creative shop of handmade goodness) and poured a lot of time into mindfulness and self-care – worth every second. Recently had a few freelance jobs and am focused on living my day-to-day and leave the big picture for now.

Despite everything, this year has taught me SO much.

  1. Being more aware of my priveledge and being grateful for EVERYthing I have.
  2. Not comparing myself to anyone as I am my own self with my own path.
  3. How much I LOVE myself – I literally feel myself everytime I look in a mirror and that took so long but it is so worth the work.
  4. How much my family loves me and how saying they are my priority and acting like they actually are is a big gap!
  5. Importance of socialising and laughter! I love laughing and making jokes. If I don’t cry laughing at something for a long time I will start bawling laughing at something stupid. My body seems to crave it.
  6. Definitely have to take better care of my body and mind. Finding the right nourishment and exercise is key.
  7. Getting rid of toxic people. Now, this one is not new, been doing this for years but I really recommend it. Your environment changes so much your way of life. I truly went from a cloudy mind to a ‘care-free’ one (people wise).
  8. Knowing what I want. I don’t wait around for a decision to be made by someone else. I finally listen to what I want and that changed everything this year. This part is such a big one of my personlity that it still is being worked on slowly.
  9. Being more kind but with my guards up. I try to be kind whenever I can, specially if people are rude to me and that is a true skill.

I could say so much more but these are my tops.

Definitely not a saint, but I think I am self-aware of what needs to be worked on my personality and acknowledge it and that’s already great.

I started 2020 in a mouldy, cold apartment in the middle of town. Went through moments of care and appreciation to a very low mental health where I felt helpless and alone. Reconnected with family and friends, got excited about the future and went through the fear of sickness and dispair. I am coming out stronger and reassured that life is beautiful in the little things, you just have to look closer. Life is hard but I am a tough overbaked cookie.

Hope everyone is doing okay and is keeping in touch with their loved ones.

Merry Christmas and wish you all a healthy and kind 2021!

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