Living here and now

Everytime I tell someone about my life plans and my worries about the future the answer is always “you are young”.

I am. That doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t aim for everyday to be a great one. Being young doesn’t mean I should slow down because I’m only in the beginning, it means I should aim higher.

I put a lot of pressure on myself. I get demotivated when I think I’m not yet in the right track when in reality it is part of the journey.

I am leaving Southampton.

I am currently on a bench right in front of uni. Wallowing the days I’m going to be away. Remembering the days I was here.

I am watching the sunset and writing. Writing about my future insecurities and expecting harder days to come.

Fearing the robbers and rats while they cross paths in the park in front of me.

Listening to Billie Eilish and remembering how her music was always on repeat while I was writing my dissertation.

It’s getting visibly darker. I’m not going to be here for long. I feel protected by the university.

I think that the biggest feeling I am experiencing right now is of wallow. There’s truly not a better word to describe the deep feel of disconcern and worry over something that already happened.

The park lights have lit. I haven’t brought my glasses, I am feeling as if I am not actually here.

I feel happy to be alone.

I mean I came to the UK alone. It only feels appropriate that I am here, now, experiencing my last time in front of uni alone.

I called my friend. The one that came with me. He can’t answer.

Can’t say I feel safe here anymore. A girl. At night. Writing. Listening to music. I hear children in the park. That doesn’t really put me at ease.

See you another time Southampton. You will always have a piece of me. No matter how young I am.

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