Someone has to talk about it

I have been in quarantine for a bit over two months now… I think? I have honestly lost track of the days. We went into quarantine thinking it would only be three weeks and it already felt like ages. Eight weeks after, ‘who am I?’.

The first part of my quarantine was in England. I have since moved to Portugal to be quarantining with my family.

This has hit us all differently. For me, it hit me in ways I thought it never would.

There were days of light panic, there were other days of complete internal panic.

In the beggining, the introvert in me was actually relieved to have some time off as I haven’t had an holiday in a few years. I started getting myself on a schedule and making sure I accomplished at least one thing on that list but I began to feel demotivated.

I started spending my days watching Netflix and making a few crafts, which for me was still a nice thing to do.

From one day to the other I started to get frustrated with the fact that I was always at home. I was barely going out. I used to walk miles per day and I started to find myself enclausurated.

With the fact that I would only see the sun from my window, wasn’t talking much with my friends and was seated the whole day, I felt depressed. Thoughts that made no sense would come and go and I wanted to isolate mself. Three years ago I had done that and saw that it truly doesn’t help to be alone when you feel sad. Sometimes it’s important but other times I know I should be with others even if I don’t feel mentally able to.

I tried to  push myself to be with others even on the worse days.

I was demotivated and sad. I didn’t feel the same, I didn’t feel like smiling. I was just waiting for all of this to go back to normality.

I decided to stay in England at first but I gradually realised that was a mistake with how things at home were changing. There was still a flight going from London to Portugal everyday so, I took it.

I feel better being at home. I go out more, even if just to go to the garden, and am pushing myself to work more on Mayo Studios (my art platform). Anxiety is still very present and there are days that I don’t feel good mentally but I’m slowly recuperating.

All of this to say that although you feel safer alone and isolated, it is important to keep in mind that that won’t help on the long run. The more you keep in touch with your loved ones, specially if you can’t be with them, the better.

 

 

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