I have noticed I have been writing about things that are not so happy in here lately. I would like that to change, at least for a while.
However, to start this blog post (4th wall broken) I need to address something that is not so happy. Don’t worry I promise it has a nice message in the end. A message of hope. I think we have been needing a lot of those lately.
I have been really anxious about the start of my Masters degree. I am now on my holidays in Portugal and i have the weird notion that it will be my last school summer ever. Next year I will be developing my dissertation and the next year I will be on my first design job (hopefully).
I am really nervous to adult. I have been living away for three years now and never really felt this way but this year something changed within me and the way I feel about it. These three years were great but this year…is the year everything changes.
However, I have also come to realise that everything changes but me. I am in control of myself and my decisions and I trust myself. It’s normal to be doubtful but now more than ever I have to believe in myself.
The lesson I want to teach you here is that not only are you deserving of your self-love but also I want you to realise how powerful you are if you embrace yourself. Wonderful things can happen and will happen. Stop focusing on those hipothetical worlds you build in your mind and start gripping onto your judgement and moral. You are focusig on the good and the bad that can happen if you do a certain change but start questioning yourself ‘how will I handle it if it happens?’. I mean I would tell you to stop building those worlds all together but I know that i can’t because it’s imbuted into my personality. I overthink and I day dream it’s the way I am.
I am just trying to make that personality trait a good thing instead of only worrying you/me.
My message of hope in this moment of change is to focus on the present whenever you can.
Even if you are not worried about something…try to focus on where you are. think about tomorrow and it’s outcome so you are prepared but not in an obsessive way.
I am saying this because I am like this and this technique has helped me immensly.
I used to think about my future. I would put in my mind a tiny Nicole in a scenario four years from then in my mind. I thought I was doing myself a favour because I was preparing myself for a possible scenario and that I need to do that or I would feel lost.
I have serious concerns on why I felt like that. I am not lost and yet I think about my today and tomorrow. I was waiting for a train that would never come and maybe it wouldn’t even arrive and i was feeling stressed.
What we do today…does it affect tomorrow? It does if you want it to affect it. In a sentece that’s teh idea I am trying to pass on.
It may seem impossible but it isn’t. It is however, impossible to idealise your future. Have a guideline but don’t worry if with time you decided to change it.
As a history teacher once told me ‘For everything to stay the same, something has to change’. And that’s fine. Embrace that change and make it work for you and on your conditions.
Hope for a better future but build it gradually.