I can’t take compliments

Pretty self-explanatory title but here’s the deal.

I don’t really want to blame it in our culture but I have to mention that Portuguese people complain more than compliment. It’s just in our blood. Doesn’t mean we can’t change it.

Since moving to England that I have noticed this fact. English people compliment each other and are always stating nice personality traits they appreciate in someone or just say a friendly word about what you are wearing.

I have seen this more and more as I change my style regularly and English people accept and compliment and Portuguese stare at my hair for example.

I have lived that way my whole life and so I never really had noticed that we Portuguese were so judgemental (because I am too). However, I have to admit that it feels nice to hear compliments. It’s a way of appreciating someone. We all love appreciation right?

I am not very good at taking and receiving them though. When someone compliments me I deflect the comment and make a bad observation about what they had just complimented. At least I am aware that I do this. That’s a start, right?

I also feel really awkward giving them. If I like someone’s jacket I just stare into the floor overthinking about the action of complimenting it. I start looking at the person wearing it and see if they look nice (some people don’t like to be pointed out and I respect that). Then, I think about how I’m going to approach them. Usually, I just tap on their shoulder but I think that’s kind of creepy coming from someone you don’t know (been trying to update this technique).

How do you compliment? Do you feel comfortable doing it?

Such weird questions…I know… but they would really help me as I don’t know people’s opinions about this.

Then again, why am I overthinking an action that causes no harm and can actually make someone’s day. This should be something that I would do casually. It’s a no brainer.

Compliment people. Make them feel unique.

Maybe that jacket has a patch of a band you like and by complimenting the person you can actually create a nice friendship. I am just fantasising at this point but it’s still valid!

However, I do also have to state that if you don’t actually like something you are complimenting…don’t do it. I like to think that everything good that has been said about me was said with true intentions. If you do it just to make yourself feel better you are taking away the whole point of the action itself. It’s about making others feel good and consequently yourself. If you are ‘misleading’ someone, even if they are not aware, you are doing it for the wrong reasons. Then, you are only caring about yourself.

Anyhow, personally I know that I’ve been struggling for a while about that. Maybe something will ‘click’ with me someday and I’ll just compliment people as easily as a kid makes friends. Yep, that’s my goal. Everything was so much easier when we were kids.

Be respectful.

Be kind to one another and be kind to yourself.

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