Homesick

I miss my home, my comfort, my family and friends. I miss the language spoken in its territory and the landscapes.

I have left Portugal in September for one more year of university and haven’t yet come back. Believe me, I wanted to but work got in the way and I decided to abdicate my time with my family. It wasn’t easy, and if you are just looking from the outside you might even think it was a stupid idea.

Last year the same happened but I had a goal of going for Easter. This year, with dissertation around the corner, I am not so sure anymore.

‘Graduation is in July, might as well just wait a bit more’ is what I keep telling myself. However, with this ‘might as well wait’, I’ll be here for almost a year without seeing my beautiful colourful country.

This grey weather makes me feel grey. The landscape of bricks makes me want to paint the whole city.

I love being here but I also hate it.

On a personal level, I feel accomplished but I also feel as if I’m putting my family aside. I have realized that I can’t have the best of both worlds.

It’s a weird mixed feeling of success and failure – on both ends. I’m in the UK so I feel melancholic because I’m not in Portugal. I’m in Portugal, so I feel sad for not having my pets and friends around me – and uni, I truly love uni.

In this situation of two worlds, there is no way to win.

As our beautiful untranslatable word ‘saudade’ says…

…e eu tenho saudades.