Rollercoaster

2017 didn’t treat me too good.

The year started great, with my parents and my best friend at Lisbon in a Rui Veloso concert and frantic people trying to get out of Praça do Comércio at the same time after midnight. My claustrophobia hit levels that I didn’t know to exist, but I also learnt that I don’t show when I’m freaking out. I looked fine even though there were people everywhere and I literally couldn’t move. Great survival tactic.

But it was good. Going to a bad hotel and us four laughing at how bad it was. Eating at a place that the vegetarian option is an omelette and the vegan option is a salad with veg. It might seem that I’m being sarcastic but life is what you make it. We made it funny.

A few weeks later really bad news came but I decided to give myself the time that I needed to go through it and try to move on.

February is the lonely month, the one that single people don’t want to face because it’s “one more year” with no special one (which I’ve talked about in a blog post before) but nothing too dramatic.

March and April are those months that you never know what you did. There was easter and I got to go home which is always a huge plus to get off the routine of an international student in England which can be rather monotone at times and ecstatic. The time spent in Portugal was amazing, never drove so many times to the beach in a need for an escape. After I got back I received some bad news but once again, I decided to accept and keep my head held high.

Next, on the list, we have June when I experienced the worst physical pain I’ve ever had, kidney stones. Drink water kids! (Blog post available)

In May my first year at university ended and I wanted to help my parents financially, as they’ve been so keen on helping me on my studies. I got a job at ShoeZone which was a great first job and then moved on to a clothing store in the same mall.

I stayed working in that environment until October since the company was nice enough to let me take a month in Portugal. After that, I got a job at yet another clothing store, close to everyone’s hearts and my personal favourite and I’ve been there ever since.

November was one hell of a tough month. I was giving my best, working and studying and submitting assignments every Friday and that had its toll on my mental health.

I think a lot of students can relate to this, sometimes we set ourselves too high up in expectations and don’t realize how that can hurt us in the future. With this mix of hanger and loneliness, I felt like a simple cup of tea wouldn’t help anymore. I had set my mind that I had to seek help, some stability, but I never got myself to actually do it nor do I think I’ll ever will. It’s so hard to get out of that hole of instability but so easy to fall right back into it.

We are now in December and I continue with my studies and work. I didn’t get to go to Portugal for Christmas because I was too stubborn to think that it would be a good idea to stay and help my parents more.

Now I think that maybe it was a good idea to stay even with its impact on me because it made me realize how ungrateful I was when every Christmas I just keep grumbling and sleeping and feeling unhappy when I’m now, here without my family.

The year isn’t over though! 2017, you have 2 days left to make me change my mind. GO

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